Relationship Red Flags

If you are concerned that yourself or a family member is in an abusive, volatile relationship – here’s what to look for: 
 
QUICK INVOLVEMENT 

• 6 months or less before commitment 

• Claims of love at first sight 

• Claims only you can make them feel this way 

• Pressures you for commitment 

 
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS 

• Exaggerated compliments

• Very dependent on you for all needs 

• Expects you to be perfect 

• Says things like, “I am all you need”, “You are all I need” 

 
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR 

• Advises you how to dress

• Pretends concern for your safety/use of time 

• Claims you are unable to make good decisions 

• Extreme worry/anger when you are late 

• Constantly questions you (were, when, who) 

• Insists that you check in constantly 

• Monitors your phone/email 

• Makes you ask permission to do things 

 
JEALOUSY 

• Wants to be constantly with you 

• Accuses you of cheating all the time 

• Follows you around/frequently calls 

• Odd behaviours like checking your car mileage, or asking friends to check in on you 

• Tries to cut off all your resources 

• Puts down everyone you know/stops you from seeing them 

• Refuses to let you use car/talk on the phone 

• Makes it difficult for you to go to work 

 
BLAMES OTHERS 

• Everything is always someone else’s fault 

• You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong 

• Makes you responsible for how they feel

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HYPERSENSITIVITY 

• Easily insulted 

• Sees everything as a personal attack 

• Throws tantrums about injustices 

• Totally goes off about small irritations 

• Looks for fights 

• Blows things out of proportion 

DISRESPECTFUL/CRUEL

• Punishes animals/children cruelly

• Insensitive to pain and suffering 

• High expectations of children beyond their abilities 

• Teases children or younger siblings until they cry 

• Doesn’t treat others with respect 

EXPECTS CONTROL DURING SEX 

• Little concern over whether you want sex or not, uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance 

• Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you 

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RIGID GENDER ROLES 

• Believes one gender is inferior to another 

• Only ‘whole’ in a relationship 

DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE 

• Sudden mood changes (two personalities) 

• One minute nice/next exploding 

• One minute happy/next sad 

PAST BATTERING

•  Previous allegations of battery or abuse which is denied or minimized 

VIOLENCE

• Used as punishment 

• Breaks cherished possessions 

• May beat on tables with fist 

• Throws objects at/around/or near you 

• Physically restrains/pushes/hits or intimidates you