Examples of Gaslighting
By Marelize Krieg
Follow her on Instagram at @TheBloomingPractice
Gaslighting refers to an intentional pattern of employing psychological manipulation tactics to control someone and gain power over them by making them question their own sanity, memory, and perceptions of reality. It can happen in any relationship, at any age.
Gaslighting involves purposely making the victim feel like there is something wrong with them to diminish the victim’s self-worth and self-confidence so that they can more easily be dominated.
Generally speaking, it is easier to identify a victim of gaslighting than it is the gaslighter. Aside from lowered self-esteem and increased self-doubt, the victim frequently starts to feel that they aren’t good enough and second-guesses their decisions. They are left feeling like they can’t do anything right and apologise even when they haven’t done anything wrong. Victims constantly worry that they’re overreacting and being too sensitive.
Another indicator is feeling increasingly fearful or anxious to be open and vulnerable with the gaslighter. Victims minimise the gaslighter’s behaviour and blame themselves for the gaslighter’s misdeeds. They constantly experience hopelessness, numbness, anger, and frustration. Victims feel like they are losing themselves. Despite this, there is usually a gut feeling that something is “off”.
Gaslighters lie about things that the victim knows are true and twist the truth to imply that it is the victim who is being dishonest. They blame the victims for doing what they are doing. A gaslighter will attempt to persuade the victim that they are too sensitive and overreacting, emotionally and mentally unstable, and even crazy. They defend, redirect, and move the blame to the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their own mistakes. Additionally, they deny their own words and actions - even when the victim remembers them correctly. They rebut the victim’s memory of events. Gaslighters project their shortcomings onto the victim and other people. They also sow doubt about the victim’s mental health among the victim’s colleagues, friends, and family. Gaslighters want to subdue their victims so that they can control them and the relationship. Influencing a victim is not enough for a gaslighter - they want complete power over the victim.
Recognising gaslighting is the first step to healing and recovery.
Examples of Gaslighting
“Of course, that’s not true. It’s so obvious.”
“You have a very active imagination.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“You are imagining things.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“You are making a mountain out of a molehill.”
“You are clearly overreacting.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“You’re just confused. Are you doing okay?”
“You must have misunderstood.”
“Now you are just confusing me.”
“That’s just a minor problem.”
“It’s not that serious.”
“You would ____ if you really cared about me.”
“I don’t remember telling you that.”
“Why are you so sensitive?”
“You are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“Stop getting so worked up.”
“You do the same thing!”
“No one will believe you anyway.”
“That is why you don’t have ____.”
“You need to calm down.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You are blowing things way out of proportion.”
“You are overreacting again.”
“You just think that’s what you want. It’s not what you really want.”
“Not this again.”
“I’m really worried about you.”
“Even ____ agrees with me!”
“Relax. I only touched you; I didn’t punch you.”
“Sheesh, I was only joking.”
“Where did you come up with that?”
“You are making stuff up again.”
“Why are you trying to make me look bad?”
“You’re just all over the place lately.”
“It’s all in your head.”
“I know more about this than you do.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“You are the only person who thinks that.”
“Are you dreaming?”
“Why are you trying to make me look bad?”
“You’re crazy.”
“___ also thinks you’re crazy.”
“Take a chill pill.”
“I never agreed to that.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“You are so emotional.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Don’t worry about that.”
“It’s your fault that I behave like that.”
“Who do you think they are going to believe?”
“I never told you that.”
“If you really loved me, you would ____.”
“Oh, of course, your life is so difficult.”
“You made me do it.”
“Trust me - I know what’s best for you.”
“Why would I make that up?”
“My only fault is caring too deeply about you.”
“You have a terrible memory.”
“I never said that.”
“Why are you bullying me?”
“I was only joking.”
“I think you are forgetting what actually happened.”
“You have no clue how to ____.”
“That’s not real.”
“You are always making things up.”
“You know that I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m sorry if you’re upset.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”
“I did that for you.”
“You are acting irrationally.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“It would never work.”
“You said that - not me.”
“Why are you so dramatic?”
“You need to get your head examined.”
“You take things too seriously.”
Own Your Truth
The most difficult part about being victimised (aside from the actual healing journey) is admitting that you are being victimised. However, only by admitting to the reality of a situation, can you begin to find solutions and protect yourself. Recognising that you are being gaslighted is the first step toward recovery. Only after doing so can you explore how the relationship with the gaslighter is harming you and come up with ways to fight back and break free from the mental prison gaslighting creates.
Sources
Fletcher, J. (2023, October 17). 6 Gaslighting Examples and Tips to Cope. PsychCentral. Retrieved March 6, 2024, from https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-gaslight-someone
Gupta, S. (2023, August 16). Gaslighting examples and how to respond. Verywell Mind. Retrieved March 6, 2024, from https://www.verywellmind.com/gaslighting-examples-7567491
Huizen, J. (2023, November 30). What is gaslighting? Medical News Today. Retrieved March 6, 2024, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gaslighting#gaslighting-examples
Sweeney, E., & Dolgoff, S. (2024b, February 22). 35 subtle gaslighting phrases that are unfairly belittling your emotions. Good Housekeeping. Retrieved March 6, 2024, from https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/g39041313/gaslighting-phrases/